Like the bumper sticker says, a gun's only serious enemies are rust and politicians. At least rust has principles.
Of course, nothing inspires shameless partisan ambition in politicians like an awful human tragedy. So, in a spasm of deceitful grandstanding, President Obama immediately sprang into the spotlight of last week's terrible shooting in Oregon to peddle some of the worn, broken and rejected political wares he's never been able to offload on anyone before.
As with every traveling snake oil salesman, Mr. Obama knows how to take advantage of a crowd - even if they are gathered in mourning over the wretched murder of 9 heroic Americans who died - with a gun pointed at their heads - bravely testifying that, indeed, they are Christian and will die Christian.
Like Mr. Obama told us, "bitter" Americans cling to their guns and their religion.
It really is a mystery why so many people have such deep doubts about whether the guy was even born in America. And how could anyone doubt his Christian faith?
"This is a political choice that we make to allow this to happen every few months in America," Mr. Obama scolded.
By "we," he meant all of us Americans who cherish our Second Amendment rights and don't reflexively believe the federal government is the answer to every problem or bad event.
"We collectively are answerable to those families who lose their loves ones because of our inaction," he said.
Again, misuse of the word "we." He is not talking about himself here. He is talking about you and me. He is saying you and I do not care about people who are killed.
This, from a guy who learns of 9 people murdered for their Christian faith and immediately thinks of how to use the tragedy for his own personal political advantage. This, from a guy who would rather stick people with meaningless, ineffective proposals that will do nothing to stop such carnage than actually take the situation seriously.
And what new federal gun laws, exactly, does Mr. Obama propose? What new rules would he employ to stop such horrible atrocities from happening in this sordid world of delusion, self-absorption and media-manic isolation?
One thing is true about the perpetrators of all of these shootings. Every one of them is crazy and that is where Mr. Obama wants to start, if he were being honest with us.
He wants to generate a government list of crazies. Like the no-fly list. Or the federal database of felons now used to prevent guns from lawfully being sold to felons.
Lawfully buying a gun would just take a smidge longer to do the paperwork. The one call already made to ATF and then a second call to HHS to check your Obamacare records.
And what, exactly, is crazy? You take anxiety meds? Sleeping pills? Been to a therapist? Or, perhaps, you go to church five nights a week? Or, did you serve in a combat zone of a foreign war?
Mr. Obama will never be able to adequately answer any of these thorny questions about his crazy list that will cause even the zaniest of left-wingers to cringe.
That is because his real goal is confiscation and outlawing of virtually all guns that Americans use everyday for self-defense, sport shooting, hunting and just to prove we love freedom. If you don't believe me, just ask him.
"We know that other countries, in response to one mass shooting, have been able to craft laws that almost eliminate mass shootings. Friends of ours, allies of ours - Great Britain, Australia, countries like ours."
No, Mr. President, they most certainly are not like us at all. But you wouldn't understand that.
• Charles Hurt can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org and on Twitter via @charleshurt.