It is true. You simply cannot trust a politician as far as you can throw them.
Republicans insisted that real estate developer Donald Trump sign their silly little pledge before they let them into their Losing Club for Losers. They said that unless he signed their pledge, he would run as a third party candidate if he did not win the nomination. He would hurt the party. He would fracture the vote and ensure whoever did win the nomination could never win the general election.
Being the bigger man, the adult in the room, the serious one among them, Mr. Trump signed their silly little pledge and officially joined the Losing Club for Losers.
Ever since, he has put on an clinic on how to win. How to win debates, how to win shouting matches, how to win news cycles, how to win insult face-offs. And how to win in polls and how to win in primaries.
He wins among rich and poor, whites and Hispanics, educated and uneducated. He is just winning so much that we are almost tired of winning already.
Mr. Trump racked up so much incredible winning that going into Super Tuesday, the only way to maximize all his winning was to lose Texas to Sen. Ted Cruz, of Texas. By allowing Mr. Cruz to win his home state, Mr. Trump ensured the crippled candidate remains in the race under the illusion that he still has a pathway to the nomination. This, in turn, prevents a one-on-one race, which is realistically the only way Mr. Trump could lose the nomination at this point.
All this winning, of course, has so flummoxed all the members in good standing of the Losing Club for Losers that they were really not sure what it all meant. When they learned that all that winning means that Mr. Trump becomes their party's nominee, they freaked.
"We have never won anything before so we didn't know what all that winning meant," they were overheard remarking to one another.
Now they are coming out of the woodwork to denounce Mr. Trump and are warning down ticket candidates that they are free to run their campaigns as anti-Trump as they want. Oh, gee, thanks, GOP. Because all your strategies are all so smart.
They are even talking about defecting from the party with some of their richest donors and floating a third-party candidate of their own to challenge Democrat Hillary Clinton and Republican Donald Trump.
This raises two interesting questions. First, who is this mystery candidate that was not worthy of running for president six months ago but has suddenly become the party's silver bullet, perfect candidate? Second, will this "perfect" sneak candidate be pro-amnesty for illegal aliens?
If history is any guide, these self-exiled Republicans will pick yet another flawed candidate who will do little more than siphon votes from Mrs. Clinton and just ensure Mr. Trump becomes president.
• Charles Hurt can be reached at email@example.com. Follow him on Twitter at @charleshurt.